Start up a conversation with her. There’s nothing to be suspicious about! It’s not like she saw you with the car.
You go up to the old lady, trying to start a conversation as if everything was normal.
That’s all for now ^_^.
You grab the cowplant figurine and use it as an offering to the er….old woman, and start questioning her–maybe she’s the one responsible for all the blood and unattached ears?
You pull the cowplant figurine from your MIP (magical infinite pocket). It’s glowing green. You’re pretty sure little statues aren’t supposed to do that, but hey.
Maybe the old woman would like it? The green glow sort of matches her skin and OH GOD DON’T LOOK AT THE FACE!
You inch slowly towards her, your heart hammering away inside your well-sculpted chest. You’re just going to say hi, see if she wants the cowplant figurine, and then hopefully run away and forget this ever happened.
“Hello? Is someone there?” – the old lady calls in a trembling voice, and you realise she is blind. She hasn’t seen you, you are safe. But what is wrong with her, what sort of dreadful disease does she have to make her look like that? Could she be infectious? You really don’t want to hang around to find out.
The old lady’s voice trembles slightly as she calls out, wondering who’s there. She’s blind, she’s blind, she can’t see you, you’re okay.
You sigh with relief. You’ll just make some small talk and then run away.
“Good morning, ma’am. Nice weather for gardening, isn’t it?”
“Oh sonny, I’m not gardening. It is nice weather for eating eyes, though. Yes sir. Nice juicy eyes. They’re especially good this time of year.”
You think, “Wait? Since when did I land myself in an Apocalypse Challenge?” You didn’t sign up for fending off zombies and an endless barrage of restrictions to lift by settling down, raising poop factories, and marrying one and only one lady to share your glistening man-abs of pink skull-manliness!
But then, the old lady removes what is actually an old Halloween mask, and calls out sweetly “I’m sorry, did I scare you? I have the worst allergies imaginable, and unfortunately could only find this mask to help keep the pollen out of my eyes when I’m weeding the garden.”
You flirt shamelessly to raise an old woman’s spirits, and hightail your pink skull-swathed buttocks off to Doo Peas.
You are suddenly very aware of your eyes. You put your hands up to protect them, so you don’t see what happens next.
You can hear it though, and the sound will stay with you all of your life. When other people talk about having songs stuck in their head you’ll say “Funny, I have the sound of an old lady ripping her face off stuck in my head.”
She says some stuff in her trembling old lady voice, but you’re not really sure what she’s saying. It’s hard to hear over the sound of tearing flesh.
You default to your basic reaction, the thing you always do when you have no idea what else to do.
“Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?”
But dad said she moved away to a nice farm in Canada last year. What’s she doing here, sporting the latest in zombie-face?
It would seem her face had been muffling her voice. Now, with all that old decayed flesh out of the way, her voice rings out clear and strident.
“Don’t you be talking like that to me, boy. I got a mighty hunger and you sure got some nice eyes.”
You recognize that voice.
No. Oh no. No no no no.
You did not just flirt with Aunt Matilda.
You will never feel clean again.
Grab the note, say screw anonymity and blame the old woman with blood on her face!
But….wasn’t Aunt Matilda dead? Oh sure, Dad gave you the whole we took her to a farm where she could run around and play outside and be happy speech but come on, you weren’t a little kid anymore. You knew what was up.
Therefore, this faceless old lady is not your Aunt Matilda and you did not just flirt with a blood relation and you have no moral obligation to her.
You run back to the blood-soaked ear-decorated car, grab the note you’d written, scratch out “Goopy GilsCarbo” and write “Crazy Faceless Eye-Eating Green Dead Aunt Doppelganger” instead.
You really should run away from that scary old lady as fast as you can!
Scream like a girl and run as fast as you can and promise yourself to never, ever, venture down this street again.
Personally, running off and digging a hole somewhere to wait out whatever terror seems to have befallen this town seems like a pretty good idea to me at this point. Yikes!
You fling the note back down into the front seat of the Vaguester and scream and scream and scream.
Then you run, like, so fast. You run like hell is behind you, and it may very well be.
Finally you think you’re far enough away to stop. You put your hands on your knees and bend over, gasping for breath.
That’s when you notice the cow plant figurine. You don’t remember putting it back in your MIP. But that’s okay. It seems to have tracked you down on its own and is now sitting in front of you, quietly glowing to itself.