The Cake Is a Lie!

Here’s a soundtrack to get us started. 🙂

Re: Your Brains

And now, on with the story. 🙂

Use the cow plant as a weapon.

The cow plant statue is reassuringly solid and thick and heavy. It could probably bash in someone’s head, no problem.

You decide this situation is getting VERY weird. You dust off your uncovered knees and look at the swimsuit, which is covered with a smelly green substance. You notice the figurine is spewing it and burning a hole in your suit.

You throw it into the grass, while screeching like a school girl.

As you reach into your MIP for the cow plant figurine you notice that the pink skull pants of love are glowing green and smell even worse than the interior of the lab. You scream, your voice at a higher register than you ever imagined possible. Not the pink skull pants! No!

Then you notice the quickly growing hole and the very…warm feeling on your thigh. And it’s getting warmer.

You blush for a second but then realize that it’s the cow plant figurine, glowing and burning and spewing in your MIP. You grab it, your fingers blistering, and throw it on the ground.

It sits there quietly, smoke rising from its head. It gives you another Look with its eyes of cake. Burnt green gooey cake.

Mmmm, cake.

You turn around and every direction looking for the source of the “sccruch” but can’t find it. Bewildered, you drop the cow plant figurine on the ground on a hasty retreat out of the lab, but end up lost.

Sandy pants? Bloody cars? Eye eating old ladies that look like Aunt Matilda? Licking a glowing figurine? Maybe you should head out to Sunset Valley Sanitorium, but you quickly shake that idea out of your head. You realize the sounds are coming closer and louder. You look into your MIP and get out your newspaper. If anything trys to attack, you should at least have a weapon.

You run, leaving the cow plant behind with its accusatory Looks and empty promises of cake and habit of burning holes in your clothing.

The shuffling follows you. Your heart races and your breath comes in quick short gasps.


The noise is upon you now. Desperate, you look into your MIP and pull out an old newspaper and roll it up. Maybe whatever is following you is a puppy, and you can just lightly bonk it on its nose and it will go away and leave you alone. Maybe.

Run out the back door to the little experimental garden behind the science center. Kneel to catch your breath, and notice a little sign by one of the plants: “Hi! I’m an omni plant. Feed me.” Consider whether glowing green cowplant figurines make good plant food.

Running would probably be a good idea about now. There’s a garden behind the facility, and engineered-apples probably make good amo (as well as a snack perhaps).


Your instincts take over. You keep running, circling back around the science lab, desperately trying to keep the shuffling sounds behind you.

mmm fences

You run into a garden. With food and a fence. A nice strong fence.

Mmm, fences.

You step inside the safety of the fence, making sure it’s securely closed behind you. One of the plants has a little sign attached to it. You look closer. “Feed me.” Yeah, well, your name ain’t Seymour. Still, you’re considering whether or not you should take the risk of venturing back out to pick up the cow plant statue and see what the weird little plant thinks of it when you hear a name.

Whoever or whatever it is says, “Goopy?”

That name. The other GilsCarbo.

The voice came from behind you. When you turn around, someone had just better be performing a Dark Ritual of Torment, or you will take the newspaper and you will bonk their nose like…like…like you’re a pro at nose bonking and you bonk noses all day long and it’s no thing to you to just take a rolled up newspaper and take someone’s nose off with it.

It can’t be… Iliana?

Yes it can be!  :)

Iliana Langerak is standing on the platform near the garden, looking at you.

You completely lose it.

“I am NOT him! I am Gunky! Gunky! Remember, you hired me just the other day and you said ‘Good to have you aboard, Gunky’ and we shook hands and I tried to get to work this morning, really I did, I called and it kept ringing and ringing and no one answered and woman, MY…NAME…IS…GUNKY!!!!!!”

She looks at you, sighs, and says, “All right, Gunky. Tell me, what are you going to do about all the green perhaps not quite living anymore people coming up behind you?”

You turn around and Girlfriend #2 is behind you! You should never hook up with desperate women! They always come back, even after they’re six feet under!

You turn and see two zombies.
You run inside the science lab, looking for help and hoping some one would be inside.

You see four more zombies stagger towards you chanting, “eyes, brains, blood!”. You get up, plug your nose, run into the science lab, and slam the door into one of the zombies faces.

Your blood freezes. You really don’t want to turn around.


eyes brains blood

As they come closer you can hear their groans.

“Brrraaiinnns. Eeeyyyeeesss. BBLLLOOODDD!”

More show up behind them. The chant gets louder.

The girl in front is close enough now to see her face. Dear God, it’s Girlfriend #2. Well, that’s one child support payment you won’t need to worry about anymore.

You turn around, yell “Follow me!” to Iliana, and run towards the back door of the science lab.

Lead the zombie into the room where the scientists were doing brain reasearch. That should satisfy it.

The back door is locked.



You take the old newpaper and bonk the hell out of the lock until it gives way. You rush inside, Iliana following right behind you.

She slams the door, yelling “Find something to barricade it with!”

You look around the room. It doesn’t smell all that bad in here, actually. And everything is still intact. It doesn’t look like any somewhat green perhaps not quite living people have gotten in here yet.

You look around for something big to shove in front of the door. You see a big rolling desk on the far side of the room. That should work. You’re pushing it back to the door when you hear the other door, the one that leads into the rest of the lab, open.

You turn around to find a pretty looking girl, who looks about 21, but turns out she’s not and trying to tell you that there’s a gigantic ugly plant hanging from your butt.
You didn’t realize the cowplant had attached to your hiney while you ran like a maniac. The girl has a strange glint in her eye. ‘I turn 18 on Thursday, wanna go out sometime?’ You look closer, she’s the adopted daughter of the Landgraabs, she’s young, hot, and rich. Plan Girlfriend Number 6 comence!

Guess who this is, omg lol!

It’s a teenage girl who looks older than her age. She informs you that there is a glowing green cow plant statue hanging from your rear quarters.

You’re already reaching to check, after all that thing does seem to move independently, but then she laughs. “Dude, you believed me? I just saw you running around like a maniac outside and saw you throw that thing down and thought I’d try to get your goat, lighten things up a bit.”

Her eyes glow green. You stare into their depths and you would swear that you see giant cakes swimming around in there.

Mmm, green eye cake.

“So, like, my birthday is coming up soon and I’ll be a young adult and there’ll be all sorts of interesting new interactions available, whattaya say? Because hey, you probably are the last guy on Earth.”

Suddenly you realize who she is. Veronica Landgraab. If you can hook up with her, you’ll never have to worry about child support payments again. Hellooo, sugar momma! In a few days. When it’s not weird and creepy.

You smile at her, staring at her eyes and those delicious cakes.

Go home! Maybe at your house there won’t be any scary things to get you!

Run home, barricade yourself in your house, and get out the shotgun and the canned beans. IT’S THE ZOMBIEPOCALYPSE!

The green perhaps not quite living people are pounding on the outside door now.


Aunt Matilda is out there! What if she gets in and you have to take her nose off with the newspaper? You’re not entirely sure how you feel about that morally.

While you’re standing there contemplating rich nearly adult teenage girls and the moral issues surrounding striking your poor dead aunt and totally not remembering the desk behind you, the door gives way.

“Come on!”

Veronica pulls you out of the room and Iliana follows. You run out the front of the science lab, too terrified to even notice the smell or the blood getting all over your socks and sandals and the edges of the pink skull pants of love.


The two females look at you. Suddenly you feel all manly and protective. You puff out your chest a bit and speak in your best “I’m in charge here” voice.

“Let’s go to my house. I’ve got plenty of canned food there and Girlfriend #3 was into guns and I think there’s still one or two of them lying around.”

You see the cow plant statue, still glowing and giving you a Look. You pick it up, wrap it in the old newspaper to protect the pink skull pants of love, put it in your MIP, and run down the hill towards your house.


The zombies are coming right behind you.


This entry was posted in Valley. Bookmark the permalink.

14 Responses to The Cake Is a Lie!

  1. helenpaige1 says:

    Yay! Love the post! (This is not for the story, its just an comment, btw XD)


    • medleymisty says:

      Thank you! 🙂 This one was a bit tough, but it was fun once I got into it.

      Hopefully taking all the random suggestions and making a narrative from them is helping me learn how to plot and order events in a story.


  2. Alicia says:

    Throw the Cowplant at them. Maybe it will distract them long enough for you to get away?

    (First time commenter, but long-time Lurker, btw. Loved Valley of the Sun, and this is a lot of fun!)


    • medleymisty says:

      Yay thank you, yay for commenting! 🙂

      Valley was – Valley was intense. I needed to just write something fun after it.

      But actually I’ve got a draft open with the first couple paragraphs of a SRS BSNS zombie story. Going to work on it some more tonight and then maybe do the next Gunky update tomorrow night.

      So hopefully by Sunday or so you can choose your flavor of zombie story – fun audience participation, or all serious and intense and literary. 🙂


  3. tipix7 says:

    Currently laughing too hard at the zombie-cry of “Brains, blood, nice juicy eyes” to think what should happen next.

    Perhaps you run into that cute waitress you saw at the diner yesterday when you were grabbing a bite before the party, a man like you surely needs at least three non-zombie damsels in distress to protect. Who can resist pink skull pants combined with socks-and-sandals?


  4. raquelaroden says:

    Uh oh….these zombies want eyes too? That’s an unreasonable demand. Everyone knows that.

    Gunky suddenly has an idea–maybe he and the ladies can hole up at the spa instead? There are hot tubs, mud baths, and lots of lotions and oils to make his abs look shiny and stuff. It’s win-win for everyone, really.


  5. mountainshade1 says:

    “Wait” calls Iliana and you slow down marginally to let her catch up (you are a gentleman after all, right?).
    “Gunky”, she gasps when she draws level with you, “Gunky, I guess it’s pointless asking, but I will anyway; you don’t happen to have that ’10 Ways to Repel a Zombie’ booklet in your MIP, do you?”


  6. Rad says:

    You roll to the floor and start gurgling, screaming and clutching your throat. Maybe that’ll repel them. If not, you could try rolling down the hill as fast as you can go…

    (It’s taken me a few days to get caught up, life’s pretty hectic, but I’m loving this).


  7. sleepypie1212 says:

    HAHAHAH!!! Bonking on the nose. Pure awesome.
    Let’s see…maybe its time to try and talk to the creepy glowing cowplant. Its gotta know something, right? Why else would it be all creepy and glowing?

    (Sorry if I seem vaguely stalkery, but when Gunky starts banging zombies on the nose with newspapers, I HAVE to join in. This just keeps getting better!)


  8. Kitola says:

    This is reminding me of that all important question…..cake or death? 😉

    Barricade yourselves in the house and set up an Unbirthday party for the Undead. Then, start blasting off their heads with any and all accouterments laying about. And/or by blasting really bad 90’s music to explode their heads.


  9. medleymisty says:

    Will be writing the next update after dinner tonight.

    Kitola – omg, how did you know that Gunky music tends to be bad 90s music? The Gunky playlist is like a walk down late elementary school/middle school memory lane, lol. And yes, Ice Ice Baby is on there. 🙂


  10. medleymisty says:


    I may have gone a little crazy.

    As in we’re at 700 words and I’m still not past Shadey’s comment, which I’m using first.

    May not be out tonight.

    But wow, it’s fun.


  11. DB loves her Mac says:

    EEK! I’m late! But I’m rotfl @ “somewhat green perhaps not quite living people!” OK, ahem, um, now where was I? Oh yes, on with the intended part of the post, just in case there’s still time.

    Toss one chick over each shoulder so they can admire your flexing rear muscles as you run down the hill toward your house. On the way look for gardens with garlic or wolfsbane or whatever it is that keeps zombies away. Maybe some of that groovy flamefruit?


    • medleymisty says:

      I actually just finished writing the bit where they get down the hill and am about to edit the picture of Gunky and Veronica running to the house (Iliana was way behind for some reason) but hmm – I may still be able to fit in the gardens thing. 🙂

      Also, this thing is turning epic. Current word count is just over 1000 and we’re not even close to halfway done, I think.


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