Uh oh….these zombies want eyes too? That’s an unreasonable demand. Everyone knows that.
Gunky suddenly has an idea–maybe he and the ladies can hole up at the spa instead? There are hot tubs, mud baths, and lots of lotions and oils to make his abs look shiny and stuff. It’s win-win for everyone, really.
Your abs actually aren’t all that glistening anymore, after running from dead people who want to feast upon your brain and rolling on the grass while being possessed by cow plant figurines and being shoved down hills and all. This makes you feel somewhat anxious. Just a bit. Not like you’re about to totally freak out or anything.
Oh man oh man you can’t die like this, all sandy and still a bit itchy and with a couple of rashes in unfortunate places and what if some chick comes upon your dead body and your abs are not shining like the sun?!
If you must die, you are going to die gorgeous.
“So, Goopy, what’s your big plan now? Sing the Soviet national anthem at them, see if that blows their heads off?”
Iliana will be the first thrown to the zombies when you are king.
“No, Iliana, that is actually not my plan. Feel free to try it yourself, though. Maybe that way they’ll eat you first.”
Victoria, standing behind Iliana, smirks and snickers. You like that girl.
“I’m going to the spa. I guess you can come with me if you want to live or whatever.”
On the way look for gardens with garlic or wolfsbane or whatever it is that keeps zombies away. Maybe some of that groovy flamefruit?
Maybe you should check in with the book, see if it has any more helpful information to offer. Well, okay, maybe it wasn’t exactly all that helpful, but still.
You pull it out of your MIP. The purple glittering energy licks at your hand. You’re not scared it’s going to eat you or violate your mind or make you try to kill yourself. Not at all.
Your hands only shake a little bit as you flip to the second page.
“Hey, Veronica, what does this say?”
“I thought you learned how to read Ancient Simmerian a few minutes ago?”
The heat of shame rises to your face and you feel your cheeks going red. She winks and looks over your shoulder.
“Hmm. It says ‘The fruit of the flame purifies and cleanses. But will it kill? Only the gnome knows.’ Weird.”
“Well, I guess if we see any flaming fruits we’ll pick them up, just in case. Let’s go!”
You jog along towards the spa, keeping an eye out for any flaming fruits. Flaming fruits. Zombies probably wouldn’t like fire. Or fruit. They’re meat eaters, really. Hmm. So is the idea that they’re like oh noez fruit and try to run away but then the fruit is all FLAME and kills them with fire?
Only the gnome knows.
Veronica speaks up from behind you.
“Hey, I think the Wainwrights have a flame fruit plant. We could swing by there.”
“You know where they live?”
“Yeah, been to a couple of parties there.”
“All right, lead the way.”
Now you’re running behind Veronica. And next to Iliana.
“Why on earth did I hire you, Goopy?”
“Because I’m hot and you wanted my body.”
You knew that’s why she was being so moody! Yes! Score! Girlfriend #6, woop woop! And then you can break up with her when Veronica ages up. Life is good. Except for the being chased by zombies thing.
You’re trying to figure out how to seal the deal with Iliana when Veronica says “We’re here.”
No one is home. The front windows are broken and the furniture is thrown around and there’s blood all over the walls. The zombies have been here and eaten the Wainwrights and left.
You saunter into the garden.
The plant glows. But not with a weird green or scary purple. It’s a gentle orange glow.
It buzzes as you harvest it. Zzzzzzzzzz.
You place it carefully in your MIP and stand up, feeling the fruit’s warm glow in your pants. On to the spa!
Ah, the spa. The lotions in the window call out to you. “Gunky, come open us. Gunky, come use us. Gunky, come rub us all over your chest.”
Your abs are going to glisten so hard. You’re going to sparkle like a sparkle pony made of sparkles. You’re going to blind the zombies with your shine as you lob fruits of fire at them.
Perhaps you run into that cute waitress you saw at the diner yesterday when you were grabbing a bite before the party, a man like you surely needs at least three non-zombie damsels in distress to protect. Who can resist pink skull pants combined with socks-and-sandals?
The door slides open. Someone’s here! And she’s a girl and she’s not green and she is very much alive!
And she looks familiar.
OMG! She’s that waitress from yesterday! She slipped you her number and everything and she was really cute and what in the world is she wearing now?
“Oh hi, Gunky! I think the gnome wants you.”