Ruby’s voice is like balm to your ragged mind and you simply need to keep talking to her. Just seeing her has given you a warm buzzing feeling in the nether regions, though that could also be caused by the flame fruits. A man must not deny his instincts, the gnome can wait.

Ruby is an angel with a featherbed voice, an anchor of sound that keeps you somewhere within shouting distance of reality and sanity.

Or maybe she’s just really hot. Whatever.


This is a special case. You need to come up with a line so great that not even a girl as hot as Ruby will slap you. Instead, she will fall into your arms and cry and tell you how much she loves you and how you are her soulmate. And then, after she agrees to be your girlfriend, you will look at her and tell her goodbye and it will be the most tragic and epic and heartbreaking thing ever. It’s going to be beautiful, man. So beautiful.

You lean in close, breathe in her scent of honeysuckles and death, and give her your best line.


“If you were a burger at McDonald’s you’d be called McGorgeous.”

Ruby tries to ban Iliana and Veronica from the spa for some trumped-up reason, and Gunky is tempted to let her because she’s treating him like he’s royalty or something–like a pliable little love-slave just waiting for orders.

“Oh Gunky, you’re just too sweet.”

She smiles and giggles and you think that maybe the fruit just went all FLAME in your pants.

I do like Ruby

“Oh, by the way, the gnome says you have to come alone.”

She looks into your eyes and you can feel the heat and oh man that fruit is really flaming now and being alone with Ruby sounds like a really really good idea.

I'm only gonna break break break break break your heart

You turn to look at Veronica and Iliana. With their eyes all narrow and their mouths straight and thin they actually aren’t all that attractive, really.

You’re very close to telling them to scram. Your mouth is already open and forming the s when you remember the blood in the car near the beach and at the house where you picked up the flame fruit.

No one deserves to be eaten by zombies. Not even Iliana.

omg what's up with the 'Tube?

“Umm, could they maybe wait in the waiting room so if the zombies come they can yell and we can come save them?”

“The gnome says okay, but tell them not to touch anything! Especially not the green gooey eye cake!”

Your conscience satisfied, you turn back towards Ruby.

“Gnome?” For three long seconds your mouth hangs open. Then you close it quickly before a fly flies in: who knows where it has been in this blood-painted town where non-zombies are now struggling with issues like bladder control?
“Is that Gnome who ain’t listening?” you ask and then you start thinking – which is difficult without a braincap like Ruby is wearing.
Why would you make time for him? You had to talk to a cow because of his earlier lack of interest and that life-enhancing experience nearly made you, the very manly hero of this story, wish for retention nappies. Time is precious and so are your abs (even if you don’t have the money to indulge them and you doubt Iliana will).
And how does Ruby know the lazy bum anyway? Does she give her telephone number to everyone?

I love Seth still really

You gaze at Ruby’s helmet, admiring it and trying to divine its purpose. Wait a minute. Just who is this gnome and how does Ruby know him? Is she maybe dating the gnome? You can steal her from some stupid gnome, no problem.

The “gnome” can wait, but first things first. You finger-gun your way past Ruby, grinning the sexiest “I ain’t-scare-of-no-zombies” grin, and open one of the lotion bottles to regain your shiny sparkly man-abs.

Because, you know, one look at the full pink skulls of manliness with sparkly man-abs ensemble and Ruby will be at your mercy. Even if you weren’t the only non-zombified guy left in town.

I quite like Gunky

You stroll past Ruby and into the spa, doing your best to nonverbally communicate that you ain’t scared no zombies. You open up a tube of lotion, preparing to amaze Ruby with your sparkly abs. Stupid gnome dude probably doesn’t even have abs, much less ones that shine and sparkle like the tears of the less well endowed.

Mmm, tears.

The gnome. Is that what they call the vertically challenged masseur dude with the unfortunate nose? It’s so not cool for a dude to go to a dude for a massage, but if Ruby says… you go inside and flop up on the massage table.

Now that you think about it, you vaguely remember making an appointment at the spa before the beach party yesterday. And maybe Ruby’s not dating the gnome. Maybe she just has two jobs, waitress and spa receptionist, and the stupid gnome dude is a masseur.

You strut over to the nearest massage table, your abs aglow with sparkle lotion. You lie down, waiting for the gnome to appear.

I'm the lyrical gangster

Are spas generally dark and windowless? Also, this massage table looks and feels a lot like a normal bed.

The gnome will know. The book told you so.

Safe in this assumption, you are drifting off to sleep. It’s so warm in here, and this bed is so comfy.


I doubt your commitment to sparkle lotion!


This entry was posted in Valley. Bookmark the permalink.

37 Responses to McGorgeous

  1. Sara2573 says:

    when I was logging off and shutting down for the night i checked my email. and I was like What the Heck?? When did you post a new post!!! So I ran downstairs and told my mom a few more minutes on the computer and she said yes so i only had like 5 min. and I read it and its awesome!!


  2. Sara2573 says:

    First comment lolz!!! I forgot to put that on!


  3. tipix7 says:

    Hope the Gnome really does know a few good zombie-avoidance tricks, Gunky could use them.

    Loving the style of this story. At first I was rather unsure how you were to pull this off with the sims, but you’re doing an amazingly hilarious job. Glad you’re feeling up to working on a few more Not Goopy chaps despite the aforementioned hold, kudos.


    • medleymisty says:

      Awww, thank you. I am all fuzzy and warm now. 🙂

      I like my little gnome. Thought about a magical gnome, but didn’t feel like waiting until I got one from somewhere. Maybe later in the story. For now, our little wooden dude with the flame pattern on his pants and hat will work.

      I never meant for the hold to be more than a few days – am kind of upset with myself that it ended up being over a week. Am trying to train myself to be all srs writer here and to write until I finish something, even if I don’t feel like it or aren’t grandly inspired or have a bit of writer’s block.


  4. kaldresh says:

    Glad to see you Misty – I thought about emailing you yesterday, wondering how you were feeling. Big hugs, sweetie.


    • medleymisty says:

      Hugs to you as well. 🙂

      I’m doing all right. Been on vacation all week, went to a Josh Ritter concert Wednesday, actually played the game a fair bit. I’m pretty much back to where I was before, which is angsting about how much I suck at writing and a bit of Seth’s syrupy existential depression on occasion.

      And awww, you can email me whenever. Can’t promise I’ll reply on a regular basis, though – feeling a bit non-social at the moment.

      Oh, oh – did anyone catch the quote/paraphrase of Fog at the beginning? It’s just the whole thing with Ruby’s voice reminded me so much of Lilith and Bella.


  5. mountainshade1 says:

    Great to see more Gunky, Misty.
    Aha, the gnome is wanting to talk now eh? (Or is he?)
    I look forward to see how this is going to pan out. 8)


    • medleymisty says:

      Thank you.

      I will try to reply to your Boolprop PM soon – all non-social and stuff atm.

      I’m looking forward to it too. That is one thing I like about Gunky. The whole having no idea where the story is going until I get there is very much my preferred writing style.


  6. Mariia says:

    I was going to comment but I decided not to figuring that no suggestions also meant no comments. Guess I’m wrong :).

    This story is really progressing quickly. I haven’t had the time to read the last 3 updates. But, I still read this one even though I didn’t know what the heck was going on. That explains my dedication to this story :). I seriously LOVE all the stories (2, not including Ten) you’ve made. Keep up the good work ^_^


    • medleymisty says:

      Awww, thank you. And yay, the bit about quick progress makes me feel better about how long it took for this update. 🙂 I start to feel itchy if I don’t update every few days. I abandoned every single one of my TS2 projects, most of them after only one chapter. So, with that history and the goal of training myself to write regularly and finish projects in mind, I crack the whip and keep working.

      I am still working on 10.02. Haven’t gotten very far, but then considering one paragraph in 10.01 took over eight hours…yeah. Also of course my main focus is Gunky, and then I have a draft of a serious zombie story that I work on occasionally, and then I also made a new blog and have edited and uploaded a few pics for a Who’s Your Daddy challenge. So 10 is definitely on the back burner for now, but I dip into it every now and then.

      Sorry – I think I get more verbose the more tired I am, lol.

      Anyway, yay thank you! I am locked in a combat to the death with the Suck Monster at the moment and that certainly helped to turn the tide of battle. 🙂


  7. amyjobee says:

    Hey, I don’t think I have commented since the end of Valley, but I just wanted to let you know that I haven’t abandoned you! I still read your blog often and I am loving this story you’ve got going. It is a very unique idea! Thanks for writing and all the entertainment you have given me in the past year! =]


    • medleymisty says:

      Yay I’ve missed you! *hugs and hugs and hugs*

      How are you doing?

      And awww, thank you. *blushes*


      • amyjobee says:

        Haha, I am doing well. Still haven’t successfully been able to write a sims story without having writers block and never picking it back up again! lol. I feel like I have kind of gravitated away from the sim world a little bit. I only read like 2-3 stories now. =( But maybe that will change when ambitions comes out!
        How have you been? I am excited for the other zombie story you were talking about! I am a sucker for a good zombie movie so I am guessing a good zombie story would be just the same!

        xoxo – amyjobee! =]


        • medleymisty says:

          Hey, it took me nearly five years of trying to finally finish a Sims story. So that’s normal, I think.

          Yeah, I used to go through cycles with Sims stuff too and go off and do other things for months at a time. Breaks can be good.

          OMG, Ambitions! The private detective job screams crime noir story, I think. 🙂

          I’m doing all right, mostly. Have been struggling with the Suck Monster, but I think I’m gaining the upper hand.

          I’m just about 200 words into the serious zombie story, so it’s still going to be a while. It’s in first person – and the narrator is a character that I am used to writing in first person. 😉


          • amyjobee says:

            Yeah, I may wait an try an write a story until after Ambitions comes out. There will be more to do. I have also been considering doing a WYD challenge. Ever since raquelaroden started hers with Prudence I have wanted to do one since. I played the sims like all last night and I think I created a character that is unique from others I have seen. But I am probably not going to follow all the challenge rules, I just want to see the difference between 26 different children! I have been wanting to create a sims story based off the idea of the TV show LOST too. But that would be pretty hard and take TONS of planning! =S

            I like that you are doing some work without the sims, I feel I get to experience more of your actual writing abilities because you don’t have the photos there to aid you. But I hope you don’t totally let go of Sims stories quite yet.

            Hmmm… I am guessing Lilith? Lilith in a zombie story. Interesting. Is she the zombie maybe? I mean looking back on how she was there at the end she could definitely pull it off. lol


            • medleymisty says:

              Haha nope, not Lilith. 🙂 And actually I’ve never written her in first person. Hmm. Maybe I should try that. But I don’t know – I feel like she wants to keep a certain distance from me.

              Yeah – I’m going to finish Gunky at least. And who knows, maybe I will do an old school hardboiled detective story with Ambitions. But yeah – at some point I’m going to have to stop doing Sims stories and focus on non-Sims Valley. But I think that I need time to let it grow. It has to be deeper than Sims Valley. I need to go down deep into my soul and stay there for a while before I really get started on it. Like Toni Morrison said about Beloved – she was also working in the three years she spent thinking about it before starting the actual writing.

              The WYD bandwagon is tempting, isn’t it? Ooh, I’d like to see your character. I just pulled mine straight from the premades in the Sim Bin. And then the game gave me a great gift when I moved her into the house – I got one of those random starting challenges and I think I can use it to set up the challenge and why she has to do the 26 pregnancy thing. I was so upset though – obviously I put Seth in the neighborhood and he came in the welcome wagon but I had to restart and he didn’t come the second time. 😦

              And yeah, I don’t follow challenge rules either. Rules are for the weak! 😉

              I’ve never seen LOST but I’ve heard a lot about it. Maybe I should check it out at some point. And yeah, that’d take a lot of planning and some messing around with CAW I imagine.

              When/if you get the WYD started, let me know. And I’ll post the link here if I get mine up and going.


  8. amyjobee says:

    Hmm.. I guess you haven’t written her in first person. Well then it has to be Jason or Seth.

    I will let you know when/if I start a challenge! =]


  9. medleymisty says:

    Hey, just wanted to say that I meant to get started on the next update last night but I’m kind of all sick right now. I will get it out as soon as I can.


  10. medleymisty says:

    Am pretty much over being sick, but wasn’t feeling Gunky last night. Got some work done on 10.02 instead. Maybe will feel Gunky tonight?


    • helenpaige1 says:

      yay I’m glad u are feeling better! Maybe you can listen to bad 90s music to feel Gunky Inspired? XD


      • medleymisty says:

        Haha – my husband actually made me a CD the other night to listen to at work. The Gunky Experience (STDs Not Included). 🙂

        I’ve gotten started, at least. I’ve got a paragraph, woot! But I’m actually listening to my beautiful letters playlist while writing.

        Figure I can probably finish it up tomorrow night, it being Friday and all.


  11. medleymisty says:

    Just wanted to check in. I am planning on updating relatively soon, either with 10.02 or the next Gunky update. I just have to get over what seems to be a rather severe cold first.

    Am off to lie on the couch and read. Been getting a fair bit of reading done while I feel too sick to write.


  12. helenpaige1 says:

    :O no update yet?


    • medleymisty says:

      The cold isn’t completely gone, but I could probably write now. I’ve just gotten distracted. Three day weekend this weekend, though. So maybe I can pull something together soon.


  13. Rodger says:

    Hey, it’s Rodger, the author of In His Own World and Sims 3 Big Brother.
    I am considering starting a new Sims blog but I need to know that people will still visit it so I have set up a poll on In His Own World so I can see how many people visit the site as well as get an idea for what the story should be. Please visit and have a look.
    I hope you don’t mind this advertising, I just wanted to make sure everybody was aware


    • medleymisty says:

      I don’t mind – I consider it a fair trade since the day you linked to me is still my highest traffic day. 🙂

      Am still pretty distracted, but hopefully I will get 10.02 up by Monday night. Gunky – honestly right now I’m debating continuing Gunky. We will see.

      It’s just that I can’t get anything I’m proud of or that I like from the comments I have right now and really – I want to start writing the novel version of Valley soon.


      • Rodger says:

        thats fantastic, I would definitely buy that novel. To be honest I havent really been following Gunky or any other Sims blog because I havent had any time since finishing BB, but I will try to catch up and contribute if you keep going


      • Anonymous says:



        • medleymisty says:

          Awww, thank you. 🙂 That is certainly a vote in Gunky’s favor, and really I do love Gunky and I don’t like abandoning things. Darn it, I finished Valley, I can finish other stuff too!

          I think I did need a break, though, to do some thinking and self-reflection.

          Tell you what, I’ll play WoW and relax tonight (just dinged 60 on my hunter and my mage is halfway through 79) and then tomorrow I’m off and I will devote the entire day to either Gunky or 10.02.


  14. kaldresh says:

    If I start with WoW again I’ll never anything done!

    I’m sure everyone will understand if you don’t continue with Gunky – he was kinda fun though!

    Glad you’re feeling better.


    • medleymisty says:

      Oh, I do mean to continue Gunky. Just focusing on 10 right now.

      And haha – actually my WoW account got hacked last week. I got it back but I’m still waiting to hear from Blizzard on getting my gear and money back. And since I can’t really do much with mostly naked characters who have less than 10 silver to their names, I’ve been thinking and writing and reading instead.


  15. Elias says:

    OMG! I has been some time since i checked up to the site and Oh – Lordy – Lord! what a surprise!!! Already read the whole past story and will keep reading – and waiting at the wedge of my seat just like i did with “In the Valley of the Sun” ………. oh gosh…. Seth feeling all coming back~~


    • medleymisty says:

      Aww, thanks. I do plan on continuing Gunky eventually. 🙂


      • Elias says:

        No rushing at all, but the story is pretty fun! :]

        BTW, i cracked myself laughing when Gunky tought about going to the waterfall then remembering that it’s “baaad juju” ;D


        • medleymisty says:

          It is fun, yeah. 🙂 And heh – I liked that bit too.

          I was actually thinking of maybe seeing what I could do with the next set of comments fairly soon. But I also have 10.04 and a Farmer Brown story to do, so I’m not going to put a time on it.


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