What flat hell is this?!

The unicorn did not know where she was, and she was very afraid.

She had been frolicking in a meadow, dancing with butterflies and flowers and worms and other meadow denizens under a double rainbow. It had been quite intense, what with all the bright colors and the smell of fresh green grass and the undulant movement of the worms, so after a few hours of frolicking she had said goodbye to all her meadow friends and had gone to have a bit of a lie down in some nice soft meadow grass.

When she opened her eyes, she was in hell.

Or at least that’s what she thought this place was. There were certainly no rainbows. No butterflies, no flowers. Not even any worms.

There was the other unicorn, though.

She tried to move, to do the universal unicorn dance of greeting and friendly agreement to share one’s meadow, but nothing happened.

She tried to neigh, a neigh indicating hello, the rainbows are very nice today, so intense, I do not know what it means, also I am a bit scared because I can’t move, but you’re here to be my unicorn friend so it will be okay, right?

Nothing happened.

The other unicorn stood still and silent as the grave. He was a stallion, all white and glowing and glorious. His mane was sleek and his tail streamed out behind him, although it did not move. It hung suspended in space. The unicorn looked at the fine white hairs, and she noticed something odd.

The hairs were flat.

She looked back up to his face. It had no depth. His ears were flat triangles. His eyes were two dimensional soulless black holes. There was no expression there, no life. His mouth was a thin black line, his nostrils two flat black circles against the flat whiteness of his nose. His horn was a straight long line.

She looked down at her own front legs, at the ground that she stood on.

There wasn’t any actual ground there. She was suspended in the air, above some weird kind of dark green flat thing that didn’t smell like a meadow at all.

She tried to toss her head, to stamp her feet. Nothing happened. She was flat and still and silent too.

Panic rose through her chest, and she would have been breathing hard if she could breathe, which she suddenly realized that she wasn’t. Her lungs were flat and her heart was flat and her brain was flat. Still though, the panic was there, and it was real and round.

The unicorn heard a very faint noise, just on the edge of hearing. It sounded almost like a whinny of war and hatred and goring people to death, and very much not at all like a neigh of friendly meadow sharing. She looked back up at the other unicorn.

His horn had moved. Very slightly, so slightly that she wondered if she was seeing things, but then it moved again. He was lowering his head. Eventually his horn would be pointed at her, and he would charge.


She had time. His head was moving slower than a virgin who didn’t want to lose her ability to hang out with unicorns.

The unicorn thought of her meadow. She thought of her butterfly friends, with their many varied colors and patterns on their lovely wings. She thought of the flowers, nodding along as she pirouetted around the meadow. She thought of the worms, the beautiful brown worms, curling and uncurling as they made their way across the meadow, in tune with her dancing.

She did not think, “I wish, I wish, I wish.” This was no time for wishing. She thought, “I will, I will, I will”.

The other unicorn stared at her with his flat black dead eyes. His head kept moving downward. Infinitesimally. Inexorably.

She thought of the nice soft grass where she had gone to sleep. She thought of home, where she had been round and full and alive and where there had been the buzzing of insects and the sweet smell of the flowers and the glittering colors of the double rainbows, and she willed herself out of this strange flat place.

Her horn grew warm.

“I will, I will, I will.”

She gasped as her lungs inflated and her breath came back. There was sound now, a great rhythmic thumping that broke the flat silence, and she realized it was her heart, pumping blood.

“I will, I will, I will.”

There were more sounds now. Human voices, rising and falling. Humans walking, their heels clattering on a hard surface.

The other unicorn’s black eyes flashed, and his head moved faster. He was still flat, still empty, but whatever was happening must have affected him too. His horn aimed straight at her chest.

“I must, I must, I must.”

She almost stopped breathing again when the dark green flatness to her left fell away, revealing a grand room full of humans. They were not dressed like her virgins. She wasn’t sure if any of them actually were virgins. The one with red hair might be. But she couldn’t care about that right now. She heard a faint whinny on the air, the whinny of death and destruction and fiery chaos. The other unicorn was about to charge.

The unicorn thought of her home, of dancing under the double rainbow with all her meadow friends. She snorted, a snort full of will and magic and power, and her body expanded under her, filling out to its full red glory. She rose up on her hind legs, screaming a challenge to the other unicorn, to the possibly non-virgin humans on the other side of this flat hell, to the flatness and the silence.

“I am, I am, I AM!”

She turned towards the room full of humans. There was an invisible barrier between her and them, between her flat world and their real and round one. She pushed her horn against it. It gave a bit, and then stopped.

She pushed harder. It did not move.

She gathered all her strength, neighed the neigh of life and breath and blood and HOME, and drove her horn straight into the barrier.

She screamed in triumph when it ripped open.

The unicorn burst through the barrier. She felt her body expand as her muscles grew to their proper size. Her mane and tail grew, resuming their proper glory. She took great big gulps of air. The thudding of her heart reverberated off the walls.

None of the humans noticed. She had been right. They weren’t virgins. Not even the red haired one.

She walked out of the room and into a grand hall, completely unnoticed. She saw many flat hanging cloths, things the humans must use for decorations. Some of them had images of horses on them. Some even had images of unicorns.

She snorted, tossed her head, and left the building. Outside the sun was shining. She scanned the sky, saw the faint image of the double rainbow, too faint for human eyes, and started walking towards it, following it home.

The humans should have known that they could have never kept a real unicorn in one of their cloths.


Oh noes! What about the poor girl who the unicorn thought was maybe a virgin but then she wasn’t?! You want to know what happened to her, don’t you? Well, you can found out here, in the entry of my most wonderful partner favoritebean:

The Troubled Tapestry

You should probably read it. Unless you want to lose your ability to hang out with unicorns!!!! And no one wants to lose that! 😉

Also do please note that she is the first person to ever successfully get me to write a story that does not end in death and/or eternal dark torment for someone, although I tried. 😉

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6 Responses to What flat hell is this?!

  1. “The humans should have known that they could have never kept a real unicorn in one of their cloths.” Ah, that was a super cool concept! ^_^ It is a bit strange to read something of yours that ended so happily now that you mention it. Hehe.

    I’m excited to read the other half, but I’m getting a bit of a headache, so that might have to wait until tomorrow. Still, great job on your half! ❤


    • medleymisty says:

      *hugs* It started out as an idea about a superintelligent length of upholstery hanging out in the back of a magic shop, with a family of mice living underneath it, but it…changed, along the way. 😉

      Thank you!


  2. Blu Paws says:

    Look at you, giving your character a fair chance. 😉 The unicorn coming alive the way it did was unexpected. I’ll probably never look at tapestries the same now. Poor creatures trapped in a flat world. You had me rooting for this super determined unicorn. Being trapped in a tapestry, watching life go on in all its 3D-ness is a great metaphor. Nice work, Medley.


    • medleymisty says:

      I really wanted the unicorn to at least gore people, if she got to survive and be happy! But oh well.

      Thank you! And I hadn’t even thought of it in a metaphor-y way! That’s neat! *goes off to think about that more*

      It is actually a concept that shows up a lot in Seth’s stories, now that I think about it, where he feels flat but then sometimes things like Caitlyn’s voice and Caitlyn herself are round and real. Something he has in common with Lilith, but that was kind of the point there, that they had a lot in common.


  3. absolutely stunning…


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