Entropy

so here I am again

Seth went back out to his garden, and I…

I can see from my LJ stats that I must have been mentioned in sim_rants over the weekend

I made waffles.

This is the order of things.

You know, guys, I know I am endlessly fascinating and all, but really - it's kind of pathetic, and I wish you would stop talking about me.

He had gotten up, gotten dressed. Put on his blue cardigan.

I knitted that cardigan. Years ago. I like to think that he wears it so often because he is attached to it, because he is attached to me, because he likes the thought of something of my making so close to his heart.

also if you believed the gossip and the lies and the rumors and you rejected me because of them, you are an awful human being

His garden is visible through the windows, and he is there with his cardigan and his khakis, bending down to tend to his plants.

I’d asked him if he was hungry. He said no. But I was. And I was unsettled. Restless. So I made waffles.

I mean shit, I put up with Hoopty for two years before I decided he was an asshole, and most of you never even talked to me once. It doesn't take much trouble to get to know someone before you judge them. Fuckers.

I look at the hair on the back of his hands. His fingers move softly and slowly over the leaves of his plants, and I shiver.

It's really weird, you know - having people who take the time to get to know you tell you that you are awesome and sweet and nice and good, and having people who never took the time to get to know you think that you are the antichrist.

The clock on the wall behind me chimes. It’s late. Too late for waffles really, but I needed them. It’s not every day that Seth looks up from his work, that he notices me. That he touches me.

I remember his fingers sliding across my skin, and I shiver again.

I think you guys are just jelly! U mad, bro? U mad? U jelly?

I put the rest of the waffles in the refrigerator. Maybe Seth can have them in the morning, if he wants.

The clock ticks. The refrigerator hums.

I have to get out of here.

seriously though, how the hell do you explain such a disparity in views between people who actually know me and people who never even talked to me?

The sun is almost down now. Crickets are chirping, children are squealing in the park, and it smells like someone is cooking out.

I listen to the crickets for a while. I try to ignore the children.

Sigh. I want to like the human species, but ugh. Which there are actually some good people in the Sims community. I finally found them! They're the people I hang out with on Tumblr. :)

I want to hear his voice. I want to know that this afternoon was real, that it wasn’t a dream, that it was really him, his fingers and his skin and his mouth, and not the shadow flowing over me as I slept.

You Simsecret and sim_rants and sim_wank people - you guys really have a problem, you know that? What do you get out of it? Seriously. I want to know what sick benefit you get out of picking people apart, out of judging everyone else, out of being two faced hypocrites.

I feel the tiniest bit of chill. I think about telling him about it. Years ago, before the fire, he would have laughed. Offered me his cardigan. I would have joked about his secret internal heater.

He’s never cold.

On the outside, anyway.

Sometimes I imagine vast caverns of ice hidden inside that blue cardigan. I imagine myself walking through them, my breath a puff of smoke on the air, and the walls glisten and I slip on the frozen cave floor, and always ahead of me I see his shoes, his pants, his cardigan, his brown hair. I run and run through giant rooms of ice, around stalagmites, past small cave trolls with candles on their heads. But I never reach him.

Also the small cave trolls keep yelling “You no take candle!” I’m not sure what that part means.

“Seth?”

I say his name, and my breath doesn’t show on the warm evening air, and I wonder if he will turn to me and say “You no take cardigan!”

hahahaha omg this is fun wheeeee!!!!! Ain't nobody can take this fun away from me! :)

He stands up and turns to face me. His eyes are clear.

He’s looking at me. He’s seeing me. He even looks a bit happy.

I’d take that damn cardigan right now except there are people in the park.

I pity the fool who hates rather than creates

I realize I hadn’t planned what to say. I just…I wanted to know that he was real, that I was real. I wanted to know that the shadow was not real.

I wanted out of the house.

“So, umm. Did you want to go out tonight?”

seriously omg this is the most fun I've had since Valley

He looks down. He doesn’t say anything.

I’ve broken him.

I should have been satisfied with this afternoon. I shouldn’t have asked for more. I should have stayed inside, with the clock and the refrigerator, and the shadow would have been there but it would have been my shadow, not his. He could have stayed out here with his plants, happy, and then later he would have come in and maybe he would have said things to me, nice things, and maybe he would have kissed me good night. Maybe his shadow would have stayed away.

Like I want to keep cussing out the icky immoral gossipy rumor believing bullying type people, but I'm having way too much fun with the story now for that.

I start babbling.

“It doesn’t have to be anywhere fancy. I saw a special in the newspaper today. A discount on a mixology class. We could go! It could be fun! You could learn how to make a Morcubus Molotov! I think that’s where you hold the glass, like this, and then you kind of shove it into a rag soaked with kerosene, and there’s napalm involved somewhere, and then you set it on fire! That sounds fun, right?”

I think I will finish this before I go to bed, but I might wait on the LJ ads. I don't know.

He says, “Why would one drink napalm through a rag soaked in kerosene and then set on fire?”

I breathe out. I hadn’t realized I was holding my breath.

I really do write these things entirely for myself. I can't help it if everyone else likes them too.

“It does sound fun, but I can’t go out tonight. I’ve got an experiment that will be ready in an hour.”

oh god I am so in love with this story

I can’t help it. I try to hide it, but I can’t, and he sees my face fall.

“Does this mixology class happen again tomorrow night?”, he asks, his voice tender, and I shake my head no.

He sighs.

“Well, maybe we can do something else later this week, okay? And if you do still want to go out tonight, I need something from Aleister’s. You could go get it for me.”

The alchemy shop. I’ve never been there.

I want to mope and be petulant. I want to put out my lower lip. I want to make him leave his experiment and come to the class with me.  But I know I can’t. I can’t risk breaking him. I haven’t heard him use a tone of voice like this in years.

You know I still haven't figured out why Seth is being nice and caring

I look up at him. He’s looking at me, my Seth, the one I remember, and I can see on his face that he cares, that he’s disappointed too.

So maybe I don’t get to drink napalm through a burning rag with him tonight. Still, I get this. I get to talk to him. I get to see him look at me like he used to, before the fire.

And I get to go out, and not be stuck inside with the clock and the refrigerator and the emptiness and the shadow. And maybe later this week I’ll go out again, and he’ll be with me then.

“So,” I say, “what do you need?”

“Kerosene, napalm, matches, an old rag, and a nicely shaped bottle,” he answers.

I thought about naming this chapter Napalm Kobolds, but then I thought nah

I look at him, and he laughs. He laughs.

I imagine the ice caverns breaking apart. The cave trolls dodge the falling stalactites, clutching their candles. I stand in the middle of one of the giant rooms of ice, my arms held out, and he comes, and he doesn’t disappear, and he holds me, and the ice cracks and breaks apart and recedes, and the caverns disintegrate around us.

My Seth. Mine.

Back where he belongs.

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16 Responses to Entropy

  1. Ahhhhhh lady I am in love with this you have no idea. None. At all. ❤ I got all excited when I saw that you updated, lol. You really have a talent for blending the Sims images with the prose and it just — ugh it's just so perfect I can't stand it.

    Like

    • medleymisty says:

      YAY! Thank you! *hugs*

      Yeah – that’s why I just can’t quit Sims stories, even if you don’t get paid for them and even if there’s all the drama and the hate. I just….I love using the pictures and the words together to tell the story, and it’s so fun – I was laughing my ass off while I was working on this and I was just kind of emotionally rolling around on the floor in ecstasy – not literally, of course, since I was sitting at the computer. 😉

      Well, I plan to keep updating once a week for quite some time. 🙂 Speaking of which – back when I did Valley, the Sims community was a much busier place. Now I don’t know about doing weekly ads on LJ, because the communities are kind of dead and it’s kind of just me spamming them now.

      I need some other places to advertise, but well – the old Boolprop is dead, the new Boolprop is a ghost town, most of the boards that I find don’t really concentrate on stories and the stories forum is like the least active on the board, and also I just don’t have the time and energy and social ability to get all involved at a forum now, and I can’t advertise this one on the official Sims 3 forum since it has the sexytimes and all. So for right now, I’m pretty much left with LJ and Tumblr. And I’m kind of persona non grata around the Sims bits of LJ, for reasons that I don’t really understand since none of the people who hate me ever actually talked to me or got to know me, and so I’m kind of iffy about spamming it up, you know? But the rule is one post a week, and I update once a week, and secrets about me aren’t allowed anymore so what can they do, really?

      Like

      • They can’t do a damn thing, which is good. 🙂 I think I’d kick their asses anyway, if they did. You are an awesome person and your stories are just as awesome, too.

        I’d say advertise wherever and whenever you feel comfortable. 🙂 Word of mouth is a good way to do it, too. I just really love the way you do things with Sim Stories. It’s definitely a nice way to get pictures tailored to the story/a story tailored to the pictures, y’know?

        One day I will put The Sims on a computer and play around with it. One day. Because it does look like such a fun way to tell a story. 🙂 (And you make it look effortless)

        Like

        • medleymisty says:

          You know, one time my sister-in-law went to Simsecret and did some ass-kicking. 🙂 I was too deep into the anxiety at that point to read what she said, but a couple of my friends told me that it was awesome.

          You’re awesomer!!!! *gives you all the hugs*

          And yeah, I know that word of mouth will get around if I continue it. We’re only two chapters in! If I keep updating every week, eventually they will come. Maybe never in Valley’s numbers because the community as a whole is just smaller than it was then, but still. They will come. 😉

          Awww, thanks! And I love doing that! I just…I just love using the pics so much, and…man. I don’t know of anything that makes me happier than writing a Sims story, especially one about my Seth baby. 🙂

          It is fun!!! And there’s all sorts of ways to do it too – I do Sims stories bareback, and I use the game as inspiration, but plenty of people download lots of hacks and custom content and poses and things for their stories, and they build elaborate sets, and they make up their whole world and then make the game look like it. There’s all sorts of different styles.

          Speaking of effortless – because I do it bareback and I don’t have to spend time working with custom content (I hear merging the files and cleaning them out and finding bad CC can take a lot of time) and I also don’t spend time with posing, or set building (I built a few little sets for Valley, but nothing big) or whatever, I get to focus a lot more on just the story. Thus why I can update once a week, and other Sims writers update once a month, or bimonthly, or whatever.

          I do mean to write MedleyMisty’s Guide To Writing Sims Stories at some point. Another Idol friend who’s really into comics expressed interest in that, as did a few Sims peeps on Tumblr. 🙂

          Like

  2. Jilly says:

    Aww, that was so sweet. It makes me want to play a little bit. I’m glad you’re writing this.

    Like

  3. Robin says:

    Yay! Is this the backstory part?

    Like

  4. Blu Paws says:

    I loved that trip into Seth’s cardigan you described.
    Seth + blue cardigan = ;]
    Beautiful shots and writing!

    Like

    • medleymisty says:

      Yay woo thanks! 🙂 I just started writing, and then I had this whole idea of Sarah exploring a dungeon, and there’s more to it that may show up in later chapters. 😉 I laughed myself silly about “You no take cardigan!”, lol – that’s a WoW reference, btw. There are these monsters called kobolds in the first cave you go to in the noob human area, and they’re miners and they wear candles on their heads and they say “You no take candle!”

      Yay thank you! And I STILL have plenty of shots from my little game session last Sunday to use for the next chapter. 😉

      Like

  5. Blu Paws says:

    WordPress just ate half my comment! The hell!! *shakes fist*
    Anyway the rest of the comment went something like:

    I enjoyed reading Sarah’s thought process and learning about what she loves and fears the most in her relationship with Seth.
    I was wondering how could Seth not want to drink napalm! Sarah’s expression was dead on in that super sweet ending, but she’ll have to savor this moment because, well… this is Seth after all. >;]

    Like

    • medleymisty says:

      Stupid WordPress!

      It’s fun writing Sarah. I do still feel like this is her voice from her diary in Valley, you know? Just…more. Because she’s the main character telling it in real time now, and also because I’m better at writing now. 🙂

      Oh, and I think this means a future chapter must be named Napalm, yes. But…not any time soon. *whistles* 😉

      At first I thought about ending it where she asks what he needs, but then I thought – nah, you guys don’t have information yet for that to be a super cliffhanger, and also having the ice cavern break apart reinforces the title and the idea of the chapter – Entropy. The old order of their relationship is breaking down. At least that’s how it seems to Sarah right now, anyway. There’s a reason why the first chapter is named Thanatos and not Eros. 😉

      Like

  6. I kind of only scanned through the first chapter (because I’m awkward dealing with that), but this is really great. I like taking a look into different characters’ heads. And I liked the idea of ice caverns. It actually reminds me a bit of a character of my own. HeH.

    Like

    • medleymisty says:

      Hey, I was awkward writing it, so I understand! 🙂 *hugs* Thank you!

      Yeah – Moonfall is really Sarah’s story. I mean, I don’t know – there might be the occasional chapter from someone else’s POV like there was in Valley, but Sarah is the main peep here.

      Ooh, do tell about your ice cavern character!

      Like

      • Hehe. *Hugs*

        That’s great! I’m really excited for you to continue. ^_^

        Well, she’s an (Dark) Ice Priestess, that’s why. And in my long-forgotten fanfiction, she actually lived in an ice cavern. Her name is Vanessa, and she’s kind of evil (and kind of not). And kind of a vampire (and kind of not). You’d probably like her. She’ll be in my Magic Inc. series but probably not until Book Three. She might end up in something else first.

        Like

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